I will try and put into words thoughts that have been dancing around my head for a few days now. Somehow, putting all up here will help me. And since you are reading this, …maybe, this will help you too? I hope.
Sadly, this is not 5 tips on how to change your belief system, but if, by the end of this reading, you will have any suggestions on this topic, write them in the comments below. I will be happy to put them together in my next this-themed post.
Dreams come true…
Coronavirus lockdown is the reason I have been working from home for the past period of a good month. A month is a fair amount of days in our quick lives, and I am happy to report that I was able to practice more often than before (for such a period).
Next to my wife, kids, regular job, and online business, I was able to find time for my beloved instrument. Dreams came true.
But why am I not ready to accept this new reality (and any new thing that happens in my life as a result of my progress, work, etc.). Why, instead of celebrating, I am not able to be happy about this?
The monologues…
Too-well known voice in my head whispers to me:
“Don’t be happy, don’t be content with yourself. This time is only temporary. Sooner or later, you will be back in your old ways. Life will get back to the old ways, and you, like always, will stop doing what you are doing now. It will not take long, and this good feeling about achieving something or at least trying too will be over…”
I don’t think this will be surprising to you, but my motivation and happiness are very censured because of this voice, beliefs. It is like something is holding me back, and I am not able to be content with the situation. Whenever there is a negative thing I do or experience, this voice never says:
“Hey, don’t stress, sooner or later you will be back in your old ways…”
We are full of ideas about ourselves, but if we would start to investigate them, we don’t even know where do they come from. We think we know who we are, what are our likes and dislikes, we also believe we know what we can achieve. But we have no ideas. I have no idea. I don’t even know who told me what I have adopted for my truth. This unwavering truth that is now so holy for me that I am not questioning “WHY NOT?” when necessary.
Is it possible that I and WE are not ready to accept this new reality, because we have made some changes in ourselves and we don’t know how to embrace ourselves when we change for the better?
One may think he will never be a good dancer, and instead of asking, “Why will I never be a good dancer? Who told me I couldn’t be?“ he believes it. There are times that our limitations are apparent. But if people with no limbs can dance …
I don’t think much about dancing. My wife does. I think I will never be a good musician because I don’t practice enough. Also, I am not talented enough, and I should (because of that) practice even more. Was there a time in my life, when I was content with the number of hours I have devoted to my saxophone? I don’t remember. But I do know, rationally, that I could be happy with this hour I get daily now.
Is this all only temporary?
Sadly, I am not able to do that because it is in my head just as this new, temporary solution. I am not pleased even if the time I am progressing is longer than the one that was confirming my contrary beliefs.
For a long time in my life, I was practicing, but then the time that I didn’t was a confirmation of everything I’ve heard from outside, from the voices that mattered to me: you will not be successful, you are not a suitable material, you are not good enough.
All these voices and beliefs are not moving away, just like that. I don’t know how I will accept this new reality, and I hope and pray I will be able to enjoy in the present moments of these days – we all know we should cherish them since the outside world can be chaotic and truly scary.
How long is long enough to change the belief? One month, two? A year, a decade? I don’t know. What do you think? But I will train to be able to say: YES! I am doing this NOW. I am content in the present.
So… do you have any suggestions on this topic? Write them in the comments below.
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